“Are you going to Steve’s party Friday night? I hear
they will have a lot of booze there . . . and best of all,
no adults! I think he has the hots for me! He always compliments my outfits I wear to school,” said Denise.
“Denise, the guy does that to every girl in our school. You are not special to him. Besides, I hear he is dating someone,” said Kelcey.
“So what, he says I have beautiful eyes. Secretly, we’ve been kissing everyday this week after gym class. If all goes well, according to him, after Friday night’s party, we will really be boyfriend and girlfriend,” said Denise.
“What does that mean? I hope you don’t plan on doing it with him! Please don’t fall for that trick. I won’t be going to that party and you shouldn’t either!” said Kelcey.
Does this situation sound familiar to you? You may have played the role of Denise or Kelcey:
- A cute guy from your school invites you to a party with plenty of alcohol and no adults.
- Everyone that’s anyone will be there. How can you possibly say no?
- Then, of course, there is the cute guy, Steve – who has been flirting with you all week at school.
- This is probably your one opportunity to show him how much you like him.
- You can’t let him down and miss this party. He’ll never speak to you again!
One problem—your friend, Kelcey. She opposes this party with good reason. No adults, plenty of alcohol, sounds like trouble to her, spelled S-E-X. Too bad you are too “starry eyed” to figure this one out. Kelcey thinks Steve is bad news. She has good reason. He’s hit on her a couple of times. His reputation with girls at school is not one to be admired.
The thought of having sex while you are a teenager may seem pretty cool and a really good way to get someone to like you, but it can backfire. The truth is, having sex while you are a teen can make you feel bad about yourself and your partner. While sex may look like something very attractive and worthwhile, you often don’t see what can happen after sex when you are a teen.
Just Saying “No” is Not Always Easy
Abstinence doesn't just happen. Saying "no" to sexual intercourse, mutual masturbation, and oral sex is not enough. You have to:* think about it ahead of time,
* make a plan,
* follow through, and
* have support from parents, friends, and people you trust.
Get clear about why you've made the choice to be abstinent, and talk to your partner about what you want and don't want and why. Don’t be afraid to take a stand about your decision. If you and your partner can’t agree, then maybe you need to find someone whose beliefs are closer to your own.
Keep in mind, you are more than just a body. During your junior and senior high school years, you may be strongly attracted to a cute guy, such as Steve. Your body may send you strong messages that make you want to get closer to him. Be sure to think before you act! Think about your future! Think about what may happen if you have sex! Your body won’t tell you how having sex may harm you physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and financially.
Good relationships don’t develop overnight. They take time. Think about your goals and your partner’s goals—graduating from high school, going to college, and starting a career. Instead of focusing on sex:
* join the band, a sports team, or the school choir
* get involved with community or faith-based organizations
* look for summer programs and internships
* help others in your community
Keep in mind, sex is NOT what makes a relationship work. If you are confronted with this line:
“If you care about me, you’ll have sex with me.”
Don’t believe it! You don’t have to have sex with someone to prove you like or love him! Sharing time, thoughts, beliefs, feelings, and mutual respect is what makes a relationship strong. Saying “no” can be the best way to say, “I love you.” It is always best to make the choice to wait!
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